Television


Ha!

You thought I was using hip ’60s slang for drugs; right? Wrong-o! I’m talking about my rarely fed blog. It’s been a downer, man…a real downer.

So, let’s get right to it. It’s been a difficult couple of years. Bad job. (Really bad job.) Beloved pets dying. My mom dying. For a while there, it seemed like nothing good would ever happen again. At first, I started posting about my sadness thinking it would be cathartic, thinking I’d get back to the regular stuff later, but then I’d come back later, and I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t post something frivolous after posting about the death of a loved one. It seemed disrespectful. It was depressing. It would have been a lie. So, I’ve stayed away.

But I’m giving you notice here and now. I’m done with that.

Well, almost.

I have one more tribute to post for now. Sadly, there may be some later at some far distant point in the future, but this tribute calls to me now. And I don’t consider it a downer, really. It just is what it is. A goodbye of sorts, a fare thee well, an I’m REALLY going to miss you kind of post. So here goes…man, I hate endings, especially when we’re talking about something that isn’t supposed to end. Boo!

Iconic.

This week, the the United States and the world has lost some iconic people.

First, Ed McMahon who died at the age of 86. Ed was perhaps the most perfect Ed McMahonstraight man ever to grace the late night stage. As Johnny Carson’s partner for over 30 years, he set up and played off of Johnny’s jokes, keeping uEd setting up a joke for Johnny's Aunt Blabbys laughing until we cried. Johnny and Ed were a late night institution for most Americans, and I — like most people in this country — never missed an episode. As the years passed, I’d forgotten just how funny they were together, but when I heard of Ed’s death, I pulled out my “Best of Carson” DVD and watched the whole thing. Man, those guys were great together. Ed’s quiet straight lines and the looks they engendered from Johnny were classic.

Yesterday, Farrah Fawcett passed away at the age of 62 after three years fighting Farrah's famous posteranal cancer. She, too, was an iconic personality. In the 70s and 80s, her beauty was unrivaled. Her picture was everywhereFarrah at 61 — even my gay friend, Rob, had her poster on his wall. Her beautiful smile was unrivaled, her gorgeous hair was copied by millions of women around the world, and her unbridled sexuality was a turn on for boys and men and a roadmap for women who tried — most of the time with little success — to be just a little bit like her. Beautiful even while fighting cancer at 62, she spent her last months sending a message to the world: Don’t give up, no matter what obstacles come your way.

And then we come, sadly, shockingly, to Michael Jackson. To say Michael was iconic is an understatement. As a child, some of my greatest memories surround Michael Michael Jackson as a boyand Donnie Osmond. The three of us were roughly the same age, so I was especially interested in the two boys. Before they were 9 years old, Michael and the Jackson Five and Donne and the Osmond Brothers were rising stars, rivals of sorts and obviously full of talent. It was Michael, though, who grew into the icon he became. With his every move, he outdid himself. Every song he wrote was better than the last. Every dance move he inveMichael Jackson in his 20snted was 10 tiers above the one before. Every video he made outdid the others. He was a true star, beloved and awed by billions across the world.

Sadly, his upbringing and fame did much to scar him. It turned him into a recluse, robbed him of his childhood and his freedom and shaped him into an eccentric person who only identified with children and other child stars. Thankfully, the world today is forgetting his quirks and eccentricities and remembering him for the amazing, astounding talent that he had. I still can’t believe he’s gone.

Three great icons. I’m so glad we got to experience the joy they brought to the world. I’m so sad to see them go. I give them my applause and thanks one last time.

It’s the day after the NCAA national football championship, and I’m still angry.

You know, it wasn’t so much that OU lost the game — they played hard, and the score was virtually tied until the middle of the fourth quarter — it was the obviously biased commentating that left me so ticked off that I still want to rip someone’s head off. Thom Brennaman and Charles Davis win the award for the worst commentating for a national football championship ever.

Don’t get me wrong; as someone who’s spent my life as a journalist and writer, I understand the need for a hook — that human interest appeal that gets the viewers to stay tuned in — but these guys went to ridiculous levels in their commentary, particularly Brennaman who raised Tim Tebow to the level of messaih. I swear if I didn’t know better, I’d think it was the second coming of Christ!

His most disgusting comment was this one:

If you’re fortunate enough to spend five minutes or 20 minutes around Tim Tebow, your life is better for it.

Oh, come on! I have no doubt the kid is a great guy and a great leader, but I’d put Sam Bradford up against him any day. He, too, is a great guy and a wonderful leader. He’s also this year’s Heisman Trophy winner, and he was virtually ignored by these two horrible commentators. Fox Sports should be embarrassed by their humiliating display of hyperbole and incorrect information.

Other low-lights of their performance:

  • Going crazy about whether OU should go for it on fourth down on a critical play when it was really third down
  • Stating that Trautwein had a false state twice when it was really three times
  • Claiming an OU defender “horsed” one of the Florida players and calling for a penalty when he had clearly not done that.
  • Actually referring to momentum as “Ole Moe
  • Stating that Tebow’s unsportsman like conduct penalty that cost his team 15 yards was “probably the first thing he’s ever done wrong.
  • Not mentioning Stoops’ very strong ties to the Florida team. He *was* their defensive coordinator after all.

There are so many more. Way too many to mention. If you want a real kick, google “bad 2009 NCAA football championship commentators” and read the comments by viewers. I think my favorite was from a guy named Rob who said, “Tebow cured the announcers of their erictile dysfunction.” No truer words were ever written.

I’m not the only one who feels this way about the officiating. Check out this great article by Chris Burke - BCS National Championship 2009: Thom Brennaman Forces Mute Buttons to Work.

Before I go, a few words about the Sooners. This team has been one of the hardest working, hardest playing teams in the country this year. They have proven the ney-sayers wrong again and again. Sam Bradford has 2008 OU Football Team wins Big 12 titlebeen a wonderful, strong, calming influence for the team and has set a wonderful example. The OU coaching team is one of the best in the nation — Brent Venables, in particular, has worked magic with the defensive line. Congratulations to all of them for a wonderful season, and we’ll get them next year!

Let’s just hope to GOD that we have a decent commentary team to do the game justice!

When drug companies first started advertising their new offerings, I thought, “Oh, no…now along with ads for feminine protection, birth control options and attorneys, we have to listen to endless ads touting the benefits of medication. Joy.”

What I didn’t realize at the time was how entertaining these little jewels could be. Don’t get me wrong, the commercials themselves are painfully boring; it’s the disclaimers I enjoy.

Have you ever listened to those things? Like car ads that speed through APR and licensing disclaimers, drug ads’ side effect disclaimers are nothing more than quick little additions to the end of the real messages. Unlike the car ad disclaimers, though, side effect and drug interaction disclaimers can be hilarious.

Case in point - Alli. This drug sounds like a God-send for overweight people. It blocks fat, allowing them to slough off up to 1/3 of the fat in the foods they eat.

Sounds great; right?”

It sure does…that is, until you listen to the disclaimer being read by a peppy little narrator, who acts like the side effects are no big deal. She sounds so happy reading her lines, “Potential treatment effects may include gas with oily spotting, loose stools and more frequent stools that may be hard to control.”

What???

Yep; the side effects can be so bad that GlaxoSmithKline, the drug’s maker, suggests first time users take a day off, wear dark pants or bring a change of clothes to work to avoid potentially embarrassing consequences. Keep in mind that we’re not talking about a little accident here — those “dangerous consequences” can include something they refer to as “explosive diarrea.”

Imagine you’re standing around the water cooler with friends when it hits you. Something called “explosive diarrhea” is not going to allow you to save face by escaping quietly to the restroom. Oh, no! You’ll be standing there, one second discussing global warming with your coworkers, and the next blowing chunks out of your ass while everyone around you hits the floor to avoid collateral damage.

You have to admit that this is a pretty funny image, as long as it doesn’t involve you! :)

Even funnier are some of the comments on the drug’s website, www.alli.com that prove beyond any doubt that, when taking this drug, your sphincter is no longer your trusted friend.

One favorite says, “I’ve pooped my pants three times today, and sorry to get descriptive, but it even leaked onto the couch at one point!”

o.O

Another says, “Ya know how when you start moving around in the morning ya pass a little gas? Well, I did and then went into the bathroom, and to my horror, I had an orange river of grease running down my leg.”

Okay, yewwwwwwww!

With comments like this, I think we can conclude that, in some cases, Alli is not your ally!

These are not experiences one wants to hear about much less share! It sounds like a Stephen King novel happening in your drawers! Thanks but no thanks! I’ll just read about it instead.

So all comedy aside, I’ll just stick with Weight Watchers and hope for the best. I may lose my extra weight 50% more slowly, but at least I won’t have to wear diapers or change jobs every few weeks!

 

P.S. For those of you who are interested, I’ve lost 23 lbs in about eight weeks, all without crapping my pants once! Goooooo Weight Watchers!

The holiday season is upon is. Well, it’s more than upon us; we’re entrenched in it and have been, really, since before Thanksgiving, thanks to retail marketing.

During this time of year, I avoid shopping like the plague. The throngs of people on the roads and in the stores make me so anxious that I’ll do almost anything not to be around them. I’ve never understood those people who get up at 3am to be the first in line for Black Friday. To me, that’s like getting up early to be the first in line for the torture chamber.

Nuh uh. Not me.

When I think of all the pushing and fighting and waiting in endless lines, it does nothing but stress me out. Case in point, last night I had to go to GameStop and PetSmart for a quick game purchase and some pet food. Both places are in the same shopping center, which is about five minutes from my house, and I was literally in GameStop for less than two minutes — PetSmart for about five — but because of the ridiculous holiday traffic, it took me an hour and a half to get home. (I sat through 11 red lights at one intersection!)

The blatant commercialization surrounding this holy holiday has become worse and worse each year, until now, some Christmas advertisements begin gracing our TV sets and radios in early September. For many, Christmas has stopped being a celebration of the birth of Christ but an excuse to give and get presents. The sad thing is that, in our disposable, immediate gratification, get-what-you-want-and-get-it-right-now society, gift giving has become so difficult that there’s no joy in it anymore. It’s not like the old days when we lived more frugally and rarely got extras for ourselves; these days “I get what I want” is a way of life, leaving gift buyers scratching their heads trying to come up with just the right gift. Then, on Christmas day, as they hope against hope that the gift recipient will love what he or she got, they’re often disappointed by the lackluster response.

Because of all this, about five years ago, our family decided to stop giving gifts to one another for Christmas. I have to admit that the first year was strange, but as the years have progressed, we’ve all noticed something universal for each of us.

The meaning of Christmas has returned for us.

The focus is back on love and the joy of just being together. We have a wonderful meal. We talk. We laugh. We hug. We tell stories about old times and about family members and friends who are no longer with us. We play dominoes and/or cards. We watch a football game. We enjoy just being together for one of the few days a year when we are able to do that.

Any gift giving we do are for those less fortunate than ourselves; people who have needs that are unmet, people who are alone and/or infirm. People who can’t pay their electric bill, kids who have no shoes, families who have no food for a nice meal. Those are the gifts that truly count. Those are the gifts that mean something.

As the retail world continues to push you into giving them a bigger piece of your hard earned money, consider taking this route. The economy will survive, and you and your loved ones will benefit in ways you never expected.

Try it, and have the merriest of Christmases — from me to you!

______________________________________________________

And now, an admission, which may seem — on the surface — antethetical to everything I just said…

In spite of my panning the commercialization of Christmas, I have an admission to make. My favorite Christmas song, next to John Denver’s Aspenglow and The Carpenter’s Merry Christmas Darling, is a commercial jingle that’s familiar to almost every Oklahoman.

My love for the jingle began when I was just a tot growing up in Elk City, OK. We didn’t get many TV channels back then — especially living in a little prairie town in far western Oklahoma — but one of the channels we got if we moved our antenna to just the right spot was an Oklahoma City channel. Each year, starting the day after Thanksgiving, this jingle began playing on that channel, and since it coincided with the Christmas spirit rampup, I associated it with Christmas.

When I was six, we moved to Lawton, OK, a town that didn’t get Oklahoma City channels. For years, as Christmas approached, I always felt like something was missing, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. Then, when I was about 12, we finally moved from the dark ages and got cable. The day after Thanksgiving that year, I was in my room watching TV when the B.C. Clark’s Anniversary Sale commercial came on. I immediately stopped what I was doing and just stood there, transfixed, as waves of emotion came over me — nastagia and joy filled my heart with each note.

I have learned since then that that little jingle means the same thing to many, many Oklahomans. Megan Mullally, a native of Oklahoma City who became a household name when she starred on Will and Grace for many years, sang the jingle on The Tonight Show. It has been sent to service men and women overseas, sung on airplanes full of homesick Oklahomans, performed at school pageants and even in church services. It’s just not Christmas around here without it.

So for those of you who live near and far, here is the B.C. Clark’s Anniversary Sale jingle, so you, too, can share in a little Oklahoma Christmas tradition!

We’ve all seen this video by now; it’s been forwarded in office emails so often that I’ve received it at least 10 times. And, unlike most things I receive numerous times in email, I’ve watched this one again and again.

Why is it so appealing? Besides the beauty of the piece itself (it’s one of my favorites), it gives me extreme satisfaction to see the way the crowd’s and the judges’ reaction changes as he sings.

When he first walks out on stage, you can see that the audience expects to laugh at him. Here’s this car phone salesman with a pot belly and crooked teeth. He looks a little like a geek. When he says he’s going to sing opera, Piers Morgan looks over at Simon Cowell as if to say, “Oh, great. Here comes another loser.” Even Simon looks weary. But then he starts singing, and it’s so amazing that halfway through he’s got ladies in the audience weeping. By the time he reaches his last note, everyone is on their feet in thunderous applause.

Then, when it’s over, you can tell that he doesn’t quite know how to take the wonderful reaction he got. He’s so bowled over that he can hardly talk to the hosts without blushing. You just know that he’s gone through is whole life thinking he’s good but believing he’s just another one of those guys who thinks he’s good but really isn’t. To get such immediate validation must have been overwhelming.

I’m so glad Paul won the contest. Now, he gets to do the thing he’s always wanted to do and was meant to do. Having the courage to go on that show has changed his life, and he’ll never be a car phone salesman again.

If you’re one of the very few people who haven’t seen this video, grab a Kleenex and get ready for an amazing performance.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Paul Potts.

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