The life and times of an uncertain blogger

There are few things in life that offer a greater reward than caring for an innocent being whose greatest joy is giving you love in return.  I have written about my dog, Bryn, in these pages before.  She is, by far, the sweetest dog I’ve ever known but one that has had to struggle through life from the very beginning.

When I first held her, she was a week old, and I bottle fed her from the time she was a week and a half old, because, as the runt of the litter, she was not able to get past her other 11 siblings to eat.  I fell immediately in love with her.  The look in her sweet little eyes when I fed her was so trusting, and we formed an unbreakable bond.

We found out at her five week checkup that she had a serious heart defect. An extra artery made her heart beat way too fast, and Dr. Marshall, our wonderful veteranarian, told us that she probably wouldn’t live past eight, and she’d always be smaller than her genes intended. In the five years we’ve had the pleasure of caring for her, though, she’s proved us all wrong. She’s been healthy and energetic, her heart problem has mostly fixed itself and she grew to 63 pounds.

Yesterday, though, it was obvious that she didn’t feel good. She was listless and hardly moved. We got her to eat and drink, but she threw up within 15 minutes without even trying to move first. It got all over me, and she looked up at me as if to say, “I’m sorry…I couldn’t help myself,” but she didn’t move an inch.  I knew then that it was something serious.

I took her to the vet this morning when they first opened, and by then, her eyes, ears and gums were jaundiced. The look in Dr. Marshall’s eyes told me it wasn’t good. He said she looks like she has liver disease or bileary disease.  We took her outside to pee, and it was dark brown, it was so filled with bile. He took blood — a difficult task with her being so dehydrated — and sent us home. Not a good sign, since I thought they’d want to put her on fluids right away. He’s off this afternoon, but he’s going into the office long enough to get a diagnosis from the blood test and call me. Whatever it is, her chances are not good.

I love all my pets, but Bryn is my special girl.  The thought of losing her after five short years is unbearable. She’s lying at my feet now, looking up at me with such love and sadness, as if she knows what’s going on. Our other dog, Max, is just outside, crying for her with such desperation that I can hardly bear to listen.

In a month where I have had nothing but bad luck — a job layoff, a flat tire, my rear car window smashed out by someone for fun, my medical insurance being cancelled by accident — nothing compares to this. I hope and pray that we can save her, but I fear we cannot. Why do things like this have to happen?  She’s such a good girl…such a great dog and such a good friend.

Edit: Bryn passed away this afternoon at 5pm after we discovered that her entire belly was full of a horrible tumor. We are devastated. We were so honored to have been allowed to share this wonderful soul’s life, and I will never forget our last moments with her.  She licked us both, wagged her tail and passed away while we held her.  I’m so glad she didn’t have to go through that alone and that she was surrounded by love as she gave us love to the very end.

Stumble It!

It’s the day after the NCAA national football championship, and I’m still angry.

You know, it wasn’t so much that OU lost the game — they played hard, and the score was virtually tied until the middle of the fourth quarter — it was the obviously biased commentating that left me so ticked off that I still want to rip someone’s head off. Thom Brennaman and Charles Davis win the award for the worst commentating for a national football championship ever.

Don’t get me wrong; as someone who’s spent my life as a journalist and writer, I understand the need for a hook — that human interest appeal that gets the viewers to stay tuned in — but these guys went to ridiculous levels in their commentary, particularly Brennaman who raised Tim Tebow to the level of messaih. I swear if I didn’t know better, I’d think it was the second coming of Christ!

His most disgusting comment was this one:

“If you’re fortunate enough to spend five minutes or 20 minutes around Tim Tebow, your life is better for it.“

Oh, come on! I have no doubt the kid is a great guy and a great leader, but I’d put Sam Bradford up against him any day. He, too, is a great guy and a wonderful leader. He’s also this year’s Heisman Trophy winner, and he was virtually ignored by these two horrible commentators. Fox Sports should be embarrassed by their humiliating display of hyperbole and incorrect information.

Other low-lights of their performance:

• Going crazy about whether OU should go for it on fourth down on a critical play when it was really third down
• Stating that Trautwein had a false state twice when it was really three times
• Claiming an OU defender “horsed” one of the Florida players and calling for a penalty when he had clearly not done that.
• Actually referring to momentum as “Ole Moe“
• Stating that Tebow’s unsportsman like conduct penalty that cost his team 15 yards was “probably the first thing he’s ever done wrong.“
• Not mentioning Stoops’ very strong ties to the Florida team. He *was* their defensive coordinator after all.

There are so many more. Way too many to mention. If you want a real kick, google “bad 2009 NCAA football championship commentators” and read the comments by viewers. I think my favorite was from a guy named Rob who said, “Tebow cured the announcers of their erictile dysfunction.” No truer words were ever written.

I’m not the only one who feels this way about the officiating. Check out this great article by Chris Burke - BCS National Championship 2009: Thom Brennaman Forces Mute Buttons to Work.

Before I go, a few words about the Sooners. This team has been one of the hardest working, hardest playing teams in the country this year. They have proven the ney-sayers wrong again and again. Sam Bradford has been a wonderful, strong, calming influence for the team and has set a wonderful example. The OU coaching team is one of the best in the nation — Brent Venables, in particular, has worked magic with the defensive line. Congratulations to all of them for a wonderful season, and we’ll get them next year!

Let’s just hope to GOD that we have a decent commentary team to do the game justice!

Stumble It!

The holiday season is upon us, with all the hustle and bustle as throngs of people shop for the perfect gifts for loved ones.

I both love and loathe this season.  Traffic is horrible, crowds are oppressive, but I actually enjoy sitting in the mall food court listening to the cacophony of merged voices.  It gives me a sense of belonging.

I haven’t done any shopping this year, yet. Back problems and a bad virus have kept me in bed when I’m not at work, so this coming week I’ll be able to share the joy and pain of Christmas shopping. No matter how frustrating last minute shopping is, I’ll remember that it’s all in the name of love.

I’m particularly excited that this year we get to have our family Christmas on Christmas day.  It will be SO nice to see everyone.  As we get older, these times are even more precious.

My new year’s resolution is to find more time to write here, to slow my life down in a number of ways and learn to take better care of myself.  Hopefully, this is one resolution I can keep.  In the meantime, have a very happy Christmas, a wonderful Hanukkah or whatever holiday your religion observes.

Much love,

Maggy

Stumble It!

I continue to be amazed at the things one can find on the Internet. For kicks, I Googled my Dad’s name today and was shocked to find the eulogy I wrote and gave at his funeral in 2000. How it came to be online, I’ll never know, but I’m grateful that it did, because it reminded me what a force for good he was in my life.

I miss Dad and think of him every day. Before he died, he told me to think of him when I see a flock of Canadian geese, because he’d be waving at me with their wings. So, when a flock of geese fly overhead, I always whisper a silent hello to him and smile. Here’s his eulogy; I hope it gives you an idea of what a wonderful man he was.

===========================

My brother, sister and I are very lucky people. Like many people, we were born to wonderful parents, who loved us very much. Sadly, though, our father was taken from us at a very young age. The victim of a sudden heart attack, he left a 15 year old daughter, a 12 year old son, and a 3 year old daughter.

For six years, mother raised us alone, first in Elk City and then in a house on Arlington Avenue, and she did a pretty good job of it. We were all happy and healthy. I spent my free time chasing my pet rooster, Chicken Little, who loved visiting our neighbors, Ralph and Mary Wolverton, who, ironically, became my special friends years before I knew Warren Wolverton existed.

Marianne got married and left home, Craig was soon to join the Navy and was moving away as well, which left me expecting to live alone with Mom as I grew up.

Then something amazing and quite surprising happened. Mom introduced us to Warren Wolverton. I’ll never forget that first impression…To me he looked seven feet tall…And I have to admit that, at first, I was a little scared of him, but that lasted only as long as it took him to grin at me and shake my hand. That grin was infectious–I swear his eyes actually twinkled, as though we were sharing a good joke, and my fear was instantly washed away.

I remember their wedding on October 3, 1968. Family and friends gathered at Gordon Winkleman’s home, and though I was still a little shy around him, I can remember Dad taking me aside to show me how well trained his bird-dog, Missy, was. I was fascinated by her. She obviously adored Dad, and when he put her favorite food on her nose and told her not to eat it, she didn’t. She shook all over in anticipation of it, but she wouldn’t touch the food until he told her it was okay. I knew, then, that he must have been a pretty all right guy if a dog would forego her own pleasure just because he told her to. That was real love.

In most families, the introduction of a new step father can be a very traumatic thing, but I don’t remember it being that way in our family. Sure…there was a necessary distance at first, as we became more comfortable with one another, but what I remember appreciating the most was the respect Dad gave me in those early days. He never forced a relationship on me. Instead, he waited patiently as I took baby steps toward him.

As the years passed, those baby steps grew to long strides, as we grew closer. As busy as he was in the store and with his civic duties, he always took time to spend time with us, and the lessons he taught us have shaped our lives in so many ways.

I’m reminded now of one of the first of many lessons. When I was nine years old–the age I was when Mom and Dad married–I was terrified of thunder and lightning. Dad recognized that and made it his job to calm my fears. Because of his care, the memories I have of childhood storms, now, are nostalgic ones, filled with evenings under the carport with Dad, as he explained the ionization of the air, which, in turn, caused the lightning. He and I would sit for hours as the rain (and sometimes, hail) fell just out of our reach, talking about the weather…our lives, hopes, dreams. I thought we were just enjoying the storm, but Dad was teaching me the first of many lessons: To enjoy every part of our lives, even those things we fear. You might just find beauty in the rain.

Dad taught us all so much. He loved and respected all life, from the lichen that grows on rocks to the birds that fly in the sky, and we grew to share that love. Through simple conversation, he taught us little things about the world around us and even a few interesting facts about the universe. Geese mate for life. Purple Martins eat 10 times their body weight in bugs a day. There are so many planets in the universe that the chance for life on other planets is more than good, it’s almost a sure thing. Make sure the hook is set before you try to reel ‘em in. Be honest. Be true.

Some of my favorite memories of my childhood involve Dad, fishing and our family barge, which we often took out on Lake Lawtonka on the weekends. I loved to go fishing with Dad, particularly when we fished for carp. He made Carp fishing an art! His chum recipe was so stinky I could hardly stand the smell of it, yet it was a joy to be chosen to go with Dad to chum the water, not only because I knew that it meant catching the big’uns in the afternoon, but because it was an honor saved for few people. It was yet another of those rare quiet times…yet another opportunity to listen to him talk about sending Morse code in the Allusions…or running electrical lines in Faxon…or bird-dogging some quail in the woods. Each story was fascinating and, in some small way, educational. I ate it up.

Some days, our family spent hours at the lake, catching fish after fish for the simple joy of the catch. Dad’s laughter would echo with glee when one of us hooked one, and later in the week, I proudly showed off the bruises on my stomach caused by digging the pole into the flesh there, during a difficult catch. They were my badges of honor.

We never kept the carp, of course. If we couldn’t find someone who wanted them, we’d set them free to fight us another day. That was just the way it was.

On those warm days, Dad taught me that I could learn as much from someone else’s experiences as I could my own and that there is nothing more sublime than a quiet afternoon filled with the laughter of family.

Dad taught us how to call mourning dove…and then years later, he taught his grandchildren and great grandchildren the same thing. When we hear dove song, we always think of Dad, and I’m sure that we will hear his voice in the dove’s call for the rest of our days.

Many things have happened over the past 32 years, but the greatest of these was that, over time, the words…the very idea…of “step father” disappeared from our thoughts. What we saw was a man who loved us with all his heart, who gave of himself freely to his friends and family, who loved our mother so completely that he was simply a part of us and we were part of him. Mom and Dad together taught us that a marriage is only a marriage if husband and wife are best friends.

We saw this especially this past year, as Dad’s health began to fail undeniably. I’m not sure I can adequately describe their relationship…it was so special…but to say that, when Mom and Dad were together, the love in the room was so strong that it was palatable might come close to describing what it was like for those of us watching. It was as though a bright light enveloped them both in their own special bubble, and when any of us stepped into the room, that light enveloped us with an undeniable love, as well.

In the end, Dad’s only concern was for Mother…that we take care of her after he had moved on. All we could do was assure him we would. The real truth is, though, that he hasn’t left. Real love endures beyond physical death. I can feel his love around us now. Stop for a moment. Can’t you feel it, too? This room, so full of people he loved, is pulsing with it. Dad’s physical body is gone, but his spirit will remain with us forever.

Our family is very lucky. Dad had two daughters that he loved very much. Heather and Maylan were a source of great joy to him, and though they had grown and moved away, they were always in his thoughts. He adored them both. Even so, his heart was big enough to not only share his love with them, but to also love his children and grandchildren who had none of his blood coursing through their veins. That love was so strong that each of us…even Marianne and Craig, who were grown when Dad and Mom married in ‘68…think of him as our dad. And that has been the biggest lesson of all: Love has nothing at all to do with whose genes you carry. It has to do with who we are on the inside. And, I know no one more worthy of great love than Warren Wolverton, the sweetest man I have ever known.

We love you, Dad.

Stumble It!

What a great week last week was!

The work week flew by, which is always good news. I had plenty of work to do, was able to complete a long and tedious project and lined out what I needed to do to get my other work done. Work accomplished and done well is always a mood booster, and it certainly boosted my mood last week!

Speaking of accomplishments, I hit a big one last week when I finally hit the 10% mark on my weight loss. It was a very proud moment when I got my 10% charm at my Weight Watchers meeting, particularly since I’ve been struggling so much this past month, thanks to my bout with the flu. It feels great to know I’ve lost 10% of my body weight after so many years of trying and failing. I have finally come to understand that weight loss is all about mind set. Through my journey — so far — I’ve learned that I can basically eat what I want as long as I control my portions, and I’ve learned that there is no such thing as failure. For example, this week my friend, Kim, celebrated her birthday, and I had a HUGE piece of red velvet cake with cream cheese icing piled so high that it easy made up a third of the cake’s height. (OMG, yummy!) In the past, I would have considered myself a failure after eating something like that, but now I just count it and go on. The good news is I lost 4.8 lbs in a week, AND had cake. Failure? I don’t think so!

Speaking of weight loss, I am one of the many participants in the Oklahoma City weight loss initiative that our mayor, Mick Cornett, set in motion. (http://www.thiscityisgoingonadiet.com) I got an email from them early last week saying that a new show on the Food Network is giong to be spotlighting the initiative, and they are looking for people to interview. On a whim, I wrote the woman representing the show, and to my surprise, she called me back! She did a phone interview with me and, at the conclusion of the interview, asked me to send her a video tape of myself, my son and my sister, so she can show it to the show’s producer and the Food Network. So, it looks like I have a pretty good opportunity to be on the show! How cool is that?

Just when I thought the week couldn’t get better, I went to see a holistic physical therapist for help with the constant pain and burning in my shoulders. The first thing I learned there was that I no longer have to associate torture with physical therapy. Holistic physical therapy is completely different. They use a lot of resistance and gentle manipulation to treat the pain. The environment was very relaxing, with soft mood music and fountains that fill the rooms with the sound of trickling water. The woman who worked with me had hands of gold, and when I left an hour later, I was loose as a goose and felt better than I had in a long time. The place is called Back in Action, so if you live in the OKC area and need physical therapy, look them up!!

Finally, on Friday afternoon, I got the afternoon off, so I could be home when the window replacement people got there to measure and replace my storm window that broke in last night’s hail storm. The only thing better than having to wait less than 24 hours to get a broken window fixed after a very damaging storm is the fact that it was the only storm window I had that was letting condensation in, so I needed to fix it anyway. Oh, and getting the afternoon off on a Friday, of course.

I’d say life is pretty good for this old gal. Here’s hoping that your week was just as exceptional! Now, let’s make this week a great one, too!

Stumble It!

Boredom sucks.

There, I said it. (And so eloquently, too) Boredom makes every minute seem like an hour, every day seem like a week. Thomas Szasz once said, “Boredom is the feeling that everything is a waste of time; serenity, that nothing is.” That’s where I am right now; every moment I spend at work waiting for something to do is a total waste of time. I could be doing something worthwhile, but instead, I’m twiddling my thumbs waiting and doing…NOTHING.

Frankly, I don’t see how lazy people do it. We all know the types who avoid work like the plague, even when it means sitting at their desks staring into space. How can they stand that? I swear I’d slit my wrists!

I’m the kind of person who wants to be busy all the time at work, and if I’m busy with more than one thing, even better. When I’m busy, the day flies by, I’m happier, and I’m more apt to be on top of my game. When I’m bored, the day drags, I’m a drag, and all I want to do is leave and do something productive.

For me, there are two distinct types of boredom. One involves a job where there is often nothing to do. The other involves a job with plenty to do, but the work doesn’t require creativity or strategic thinking. In my current situation, I have both. I’m bored without the work and I’m bored with the work.

Frankly, I can’t think of anything worse.

I look back to the job I had that was my favorite - Communications Manager at America Online - and it’s easy to see why I loved it so much. I was busy all the time, things were constantly changing, my mind was creative and my thinking strategic. As busy as I was, I didn’t mind working extra hours, because it was more like play than it was work.

Contrast that to my current situation where I spend long periods idle, nothing changes and I’m never tasked to be creative or strategic. No wonder I want to run screaming from the building at 4:55pm every day.

I need some serenity. For the love of God, someone put me to work on something that matters!

Stumble It!