It’s a weird position to be in, being the unwanted “black sheep” of the family. I would have never guessed in a million years that anyone would ever consider me that, but here I am. And why? Because my father cheated on his wife with my mother and knocked her up. This isn’t my fault, of course. Our parents were the unfaithful assholes. I just happened to be the product of their assholery…completely innocent of any wrong doing. (At least in relation to this situation.)

So why hate me? Or at the very least, why not want to have anything to do with me? I’ve told myself that this shouldn’t matter to me, and I’m sure I’ll work through it in time, but right now, it pisses me off, because I could never do that to someone else, least of all my sibling.

And don’t think I don’t understand how it feels. My husband cheated on me and got his girlfriend pregnant, and while it caused our divorce, it didn’t cause me to harden my heart. Instead of hating their child, I love him. He spent much of his childhood in my home from the time he was a tiny infant–all AFTER my husband moved out. He was never made to feel like a black sheep. Instead, he was showered with love from all sides.

This is not to say I don’t understand their feelings. I do. They didn’t grow up with me, so why take the trouble to care? After all, as far as they’re concerned, my father…their father…was nothing but a sperm donor. I know they’re mad at him; I’m mad at my mother, too. Too bad neither of them is here to take the brunt of that! But should I?

My brother, David, thinks like me (thank GOODNESS). We look at this discovery as a blessing, and I believe we’ve already enriched one another’s lives. My sister and brother that I was raised with feel the same way. They have both opened their hearts to my new family, just as I have. (And I point out here that they have just as good a reason to be embittered about this than anyone does.)

So what’s the deal? Why NOT open your heart up to another person who’s never done you any harm? What good does that do you other than harden your heart even more? Does it make you feel better? I doubt it could. If anything, that kind of negativity would make me feel worse. Does it allow you to pretend it never happened? That’s going to be pretty hard since I’m already a part of your brother’s life and don’t plan to hide out in the shadows. Does your legitimacy make you somehow better than me? Not in 2013 it doesn’t.

Your choosing not to have anything to do with me doesn’t lessen me any. I am still the successful person I have always been. My IQ is still just as high. I still have the same friends. My heart is still as full of love and forgiveness as it has been since the day I was born. Turning your back on me only lessens you, and for that, I am sad.

I’ll get over this. I don’t need their acceptance, but right now, I need to be ticked off about their attitudes for a little while. I guess that’s part of the process. Maybe they’ll get over it, and maybe they won’t. It would be nice if they did, but I really don’t expect them to. People are who they are. But I’ll say this much, my father’s sins are NOT my own. Having to feel like someone I’m related to thinks of me like a dirty secret is not fair to me.

I gave some advice today, and that was to not bemoan the adversity in our lives but to embrace the positive, and that’s what I intend to do. The positive is that I love my brother, and it has been very easy to love him, even though we’re just getting to know each other. In fact, the ease at which I welcomed him into my heart came as quite a surprise to me. I never expected it. Conversely, I will not hate my half sisters, nor will I hold any ill will toward them. They are entitled to their feelings, whether I like or understand them or not. I will just continue to hold my head up high, love and care for my family and live my life as best I can.

Now, on to the next step in the process.