I have nothing against tattoos.  Let me just get that out of the way.

I think some of them are quite beautiful, and I even sport a little one on my right shoulder. It’s a tiny red heart with a tail that whips around to pierce the center like an arrow. (What can I say?  I’m a romantic at heart.)

I even think piercings — if done tastefully — can be artful.

What I don’t get are body enhancements that are…well…for want of better words, freaky and or just plain stupid.

Here’s one.

This guy thought it would be a good idea to have a tattoo of a cat’s butt, using his naval From: http://files.blog-city.com/files/aa/31561/p/f/cat_tattoo_01.jpgas the ummm…focal point of the picture.  I’m sure he thought it would be funny, but the fact that the artist actually colored the area differently just makes me think that maybe that cat has a hygene problem. I mean, really…most cats are very clean, but this guy hasn’t cleaned his ass in a very long time.

Now, compare and contrast with this tattoo.  Same concept, except it’s cow butt instead of cat butt.  Problem here is that this guy’s naval isFrom: http://aszune.xsa.ch/uploads/migu/2007-08-17_012240_strange_tattoo.jpg huge.  It’s a danged cave, for Pete’s sake!  Maybe I’m a sicko, but this tattoo just reeks of a back-woods farmer who pleasures himself by visiting his girlfriend, Bessy, while she munches hay out in the back 40.

With this one, I just hope that the guy was skinny when he first got the tattoo, and his naval hole wasn’t that gaping in the original, unstretched version.  If so, I think that’s the perfect motivation to lose weight. Having a picture of Bessy’s ass on your belly is bad enough, but having one of Bessy with a black hole where her ass should be is just too much.  

I wonder if that guy has any problem getting dates?

Next, we go to the tattoo that isn’t a tattoo.  Looks kind of pretty; doesn’t it?  Nice From: http://www.litwc.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/04/final-product.jpgtropical theme. Subdued hues. Goes well with her body. But what you don’t see is what she went through to get this thing.

Warning: This website is not for the squeamish!  If you’re prone to puking, don’t look. If you’d like to see the absolutely ridiculous (and painful) lengths a person will go to in order to enhance his or her body, check this out!               

This is NOT a tattoo!

(Why am I hungry for pork rinds all of a sudden?)

Next, we move into the world of piercings.  If I were a guy, this is one woman I’d want to date. Now, this is sexy!From: http://j-walkblog.com/images/messed_up_piercing_08.jpg

Okay, now really…why would a person do that to themselves? I mean I’m all for getting a little attention, but come on!  This chick’s face is ruined for life.  Imagine her when she’s 90 looking like that!  How’s an old woman with faded orange and pink wierdness and huge, sagging holes all over her face going to get Meals-on-Wheels to come to her house?  Come on!

Finally, we move past the extreme to the oh-my-GOD-this-is-riduculous realm.  This From: http://blog.wired.com/./photos/uncategorized/2007/12/21/boobstattoo6_1822.jpgguy’s tattoo of a hot woman wasn’t enough for him, so he enhanced her. 

That’s right.  The tattoo was of the boring two-dimensional type, so he had silicon implants added, complete with nipples.  (Yes, little pointed nubs that you can see and feel if you are prone to fondling tattoo boobs.)

Again, I just keep seeing this guy when he’s 90.  The tattoo has faded and sagged on his old, wrinkled leg, but the tat’s boobs will still be young and firm — or will they?

I think it would be cool if, when the tattoo starts aging that he has the implants replaced with those that are more realistic for the lady’s age.  Maybe take a page from South Park’s Ms. Chokesondick.  Now, that would be a funny tattoo!


From: http://farm1.static.flickr.com/45/163179719_2252290e92.jpg